Becoming the Motivation

I don’t think I use Pinterest as effectively as it’s meant to be used. I have friends with dozens of boards, organized to the minute detail. Paleo Appetizers, One Pot Chicken Dinners, Fishtail Braids on Blondes, Pillowcase Art, Dog Pedicures for Football Season. I think I have 5 boards, and they pretty much all have variations of the same thing. All to do with motivation to get me to the gym or out running.

Something about IMG_8171these phrases and the accompanying imagery makes me more enthusiastic about getting off the couch. The early ones I saved under the name “Crossfit Motivation”. Most of those are similar to these first two. Meant to keep me trudging forward every day as a 300# woman when all I really wanted to do was eat cheese.  IMG_8170My daughter actually sent me the “I already know what giving up feels like…I want to find out what happens when I don’t” one not too far into my Crossfit foray. I think that’s what made me start scrolling through pinterest looking for inspiration.

Over the months that followed my collection grew and I added the board “Be Better” which, as I indicated, was pretty much the same kind of thing, but more weighted toward character building than just the physical side of my transformation. Those mornings when I wake up and consider skipping my WOD, I open Pinterest anIMG_8174d review the saved pins that at some point in the past struck a chord with me. Usually, after smiling at a few of them, I’m raring to get to the gym.

In August of last year, when I added accessory running, I started a 3rd board I creatively named “Running Motivation”. Here is where I stored all the cute little phrases about how I running circles around everyone on the couch, even if I was slow. A hundred pins about reasons to run, and reasons not to stop.

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My suggested pins are nearly all about weight loss, fitness, CrossFit and running. I have 658 “saved” pins from the last two years. All some variation of the ones in here. All about reaching out for goals, competing only with myself and never, ever giving up.

This morning, like many mornings, I saved a suggested pin. It was only after I was deciding which board it kind of belonged on that I realized this pin was different than all the other pins I had ever saved. This pin wasn’t for someone in the beginning or the middle of their fitness journey. This pin was someone looking back on what they already accomplished. Don’t get me wrong, I’m far from done. But the realization that I could even RELATE to this pin made feel both celebratory and humbled.

This marks a turning point for me. A point my mind finally recognized accomplishment and not just the road ahead. It takes a IMG_8168while for the mind to catch up, and I know that. In my dreams, I’m still obese. Sometimes, when I see my shadow, I turn around to see who the shadow belongs to, because it looks too small to be me. I still grab clothes that are several sizes too big to try on, because the ones that fit look way too small for the picture in my mind. So, saving this because it spoke to me is pretty big deal. It means that my head is finally catching up, and I am excited to see what’s next now that I am finally starting to believe in me.

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