Dreading the Denim

February 22nd 2016 and October 9 2016- Approximately 65 lbs. lost

On Friday, I tried on the last pair of jeans I purchased in June. I don’t have a lot of opportunity to wear jeans as the temp during the day is still in the 90s most days. But Saturday we had plans for a motorcycle ride, so jeans were a necessity. The size 20’s I had fit into happy in June would no longer stay on. They literally fell off. This was exciting, but also scary for some reason. I have two pair of size 18 shorts that are way too big, but they still work with a little help.  The idea of trying on something smaller than an 18 hasn’t been possible for so long, and I feared it would be a failure.

Walking into the store, my heart was pounding, as silly as that seems. Although the scale is going down, I honestly don’t see the difference in the mirror. Sometimes I see a glimpse of the changes, but mostly I still see me as I have been for the the last 13 years.

I looked at the size 16s SURE they were never going to fit. I took 3 cuts back to the dressing room, dreading what would come next.

When the first pair fit easily, I had to check if they were really 16’s and not just mislabeled. When the second and 3rd pair also fit easily, I sighed a huge sigh of relief. I realized they were actually all on the large size and I likely could fit into a 14, but fear made satisfied in calling 16 a victory.

I don’t have a photo of me in the jeans, but the one in this post is a comparison from February, at our sons wedding, to a couple days ago. I can see the changes. I still don’t love how I look, but I do love what I’m doing and how I feel. I’m officially halfway to my goal.

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