Sadly a year has passed since my last post. It was a hard year. I’m searching for words that don’t sound like an excuse, so I should just fess up. It was a year of back-sliding. Not all the way back, but about halfway. I have gained back 30 lbs of the 70 I lost (that happened pretty much all at once in September 2015) and instead of being a lot stronger this year, I am actually less fit than I was a year ago. Back to needing to lose over 100lbs, back being the slowest, biggest woman at the box.
If you’ll recall, I only had to do Crossfit for about a month before Hugh joined me initially. In summer of 2014, we were doing 3 evenings a week. Then we started doing 2 mornings and 2 evenings. When we finally went to 5 days a week in November of 2014, it was together. We had a ritual of coffee, bible reading and Crossfit all before 7:30 am.We stuck to that schedule until mid-August 2015, when we had to travel for work.
I haven’t given up Crossfit. I still love it. In a good week, I still do five days, and in a bad week- 2 or 3. That started in late August. We spend a couple weeks away from home and didn’t work out while we were gone. We DID eat a lot of non-paleo food. In 3 weeks the scale had jumped 15 lbs on me. Granted, some of that was sodium and water weight- but after the painstaking process of taking it off- I lost a bit of heart. Then it was hard to get back to the am workouts…so we were doing 3 days a week.
In October, I put on another 5 lbs and continued my non-paleo diet. A non-diet. I just ate a lot of whatever I wanted. I guess I was depressed, to some degree. We went through a very rough financial patch, the worst since 2008. Then, Hugh’s foot issues kicked into high gear and he had to quit working out with me. On November 4th, he had another toe amputated. There have been complication after complication with his foot, which is stressful. Not knowing from week to week if I can meet payroll for my employees? Stressful. A variety of challenges with married, almost married and never getting married grown children? Stressful.
The few moments of peace I had each day were upon waking. I’d lay next to Hugh and enjoy the sun coming up through the window. The very last thing I wanted to do was leave my happy spot to go run, leap and lift and sweat to loud music.
I shared with Alise what I was struggling with and she gave me what I needed to hear.
In part, she said (while kicking my butt)
“I’m not your enabler. If your family is okay with you not doing your workouts, they are all wrong. It’s totally bologna to give up your workouts. I don’t care how busy you are. I don’t care how exhausted you are. I don’t care if you don’t feel like doing it. I don’t care if you had a long day. You BETTER get your ass BACK in that gym! I’ll give you 48 hours. If you don’t, I’m calling you out on Facebook. I’m serious. Giving up on yourself is NOT okay. You may feel broken. But you aren’t broken. Things are really really hard right now. But it won’t stay this way. Just one foot in front of the other. Life right now is like the hardest crossfit session you ever had. It probably seems like it will never end, like you can’t finish. But then all of a sudden, its over. You look back so proud, amazed, and impressed you actually did it. You aren’t going to accomplish anything else significant if you don’t put yourself first. It will be totally impossible to be the person you need to be to become successful and stay successful. Work hard at work. Give it your all. But then stop and give it your all at your workout.Give it your all when you make food choices. Be in the moment for each thing you do…then move on to your next moment and be in your all for that. You are the strongest woman I know. Now go prove me right.”
I cried a bit, not with sadness…with gratitude for having someone who understood me well enough to know how badly I needed to hear that. That was in January. I have been faithfully going 3-4 days a week since then. I need to be back at 5 days a week because I felt amazing.
I almost didn’t enter the Open this year, because of my lack of progress. But I am so glad I did. Yes, I am struggling, but I have already done better than I expected.
I’m ready to step up and really accomplish something now. I am ready to tackle the diet/exercise/lifestyle trifecta and come out the victor. I am kicked into high gear with some aggressive goals for the rest of 2016.